If it were the last day of your life
by Clarinet
Summary: ... what would you do? Pang Tong asks this question of the Dynasty Warriors, and gets a variety of answers.


Above, the sun shone weakly through the haze of clouds. Fog rolled over the hills, obscuring the morning light and casting a mild chill over the two officers who sat breakfasting together around a small fire. Pang Tong took a long drink and cleared his throat.

"So…" he said. "… if somehow, someway, you knew that this day was to be the last day of your life, what would you do with it?"

Xing Cai looked up from her breakfast. "That's a weird thing to ask. I guess I'd say good-bye to my family. Why?"

"You didn't think about it," Pang Tong said, waggling a finger at her. "No one would believe you if you said you knew you were going to die. They'd think you were suicidal. You'd waste your last day arguing with people, trying to convince them you weren't loony."

"Well, what would _you_ do?" she asked.

"Drink. Tell a few stories, hang out with friends. Maybe throw myself a party." He yawned and stretched himself out on the grass. "Maybe just take a nap."

"That's a terrible answer!" declared the young woman. "Why did you ask, if all you've got to say for yourself is, 'throw a party'?"

"Well…" Pang Tong tilted his head. "According to some wise old folks, you should live each day as if it were your last, because you never know when your life might end. So I say, 'what would you do differently?' And if you're doing it right, you answer 'nothing,' eh?"

"You're so weird…" Xing Cai ate in silence for a moment. Then she murmured, "I wonder what other people would say…"

_(1.2 - Wu) _

"… if you knew somehow that today was your last day to live, Ce, what would you do?"

Sun Ce, who had been practicing with tonfas against a straw dummy, stopped training to take a drink of water. "What kind of question is that to ask?"

"What would you do?" repeated Zhou Yu. He stood gazing out over the river, a look of quiet contemplation on his face.

"I dunno. I guess I'd say good-bye to my friends, sis, father and—"

"They wouldn't believe you," interrupted Zhou Yu, with a look of mingled exasperation and amusement. "Think seriously, Ce. You'd just seem crazy if you told people. What would you _do_? What would matter to you, on that last day?"

"Why are you asking me this?" demanded Ce. He knew well enough that Wu's strategist could become moody at times, but he had no patience himself for philosophical musing.

Zhou Yu dropped his eyes to the shore. "I don't know… I suppose I was thinking, someday… Feeling, maybe… that perhaps I'll be in that position. I'll be dying of something, and wondering to myself, 'what should I do with the last days of my life'? And then I thought, if it ever came to that, I'd probably wonder what your opinion was…"

The joke that had been forming on Sun Ce's lips faded. He scratched his head. "I guess," he said, "I would just try to let everyone know how much I cared about them. I'd apologize to sis for all the pranks I ever played on her. I'd do my best to behave well around father, so he'd have some good memories of me when I was gone. If you just do your best, that's all that matters, right? You can't do more than that."

Zhou Yu's eyes were deeply troubled. He said, "But what if your best isn't enough?"

"Zhou Yu, if it's you, your best will be _more_ than enough." Sun Ce slapped him on the back. "You're the smartest, most competent guy around! What are you worrying for?"

"I… don't know, really."

"Look, you're the best, so let's forget it, okay? Now come on and spar with me!" Sun Ce whacked him on the head with a tonfa.

"Ow! The hell… Ce, that hurt!" The pain seemed to do the trick; Zhou Yu was soon too busy trying to get revenge for his aching skull, and left the brooding behind. Within a quarter of an hour, their laughter and taunts were drifting to the wind.

_(1.3) _

"That's sad!" Xing Cai glared at the dark eyes peeping out from beneath Pang Tong's hat. "Zhou Yu _did_ know when he was dying, and his best _wasn't_ enough! Lady Sun told me a lot about him."

"Hm… Perhaps Sun Ce's advice was _not_ the best, then. Let's see… who else is there?"

"What about Zhuge Liang?" Xing Cai knew there was a friendly rivalry between the two strategists, and wondered what Pang Tong would have to say about him.

Pang Tong looked slyly at her. "Oh, he's the _last_ person I would ask for an answer. He's bound to misery."

"What? Why do you say that?" asked Xing Cai, befuddled.

"If he knew he was going to die, he'd strive to get done as much as he could in his last twenty-four hours, and maybe he'd achieve a miracle and restore the Han before the sun set… but probably, he'd just stress himself out, and die very, very tired. Why talk about him?" Pang Tong took off his hat, pulled a few leaves from the ground and waved them in front of his face like a feather fan.

"But what about all his accomplishments?" said Xing Cai.

"No matter how hard you try, you can't achieve in a single day what you've striven for over years and years. It'd be a sad waste, I think, to struggle so hard…" She started laughing, because behind the fan, he was making faces at her – she'd always wondered if Zhuge Liang did that, though she doubted it. Pang Tong dropped the leaves and said more seriously, "I hate to say it, but my old friend is going to die miserable, if he doesn't learn to see past his goals."

"But his goals are important. That's what we're all fighting for."

Pang Tong shrugged. He plucked a scrawny wildflower from the grass. "I'd never argue with you there, young lady. There's no one better than our kind lord, and no one more dedicated than my old friend. I have noticed, though, that if you look too long at the stars, you tend to forget the flowers right under your feet."

"That's a weed," said Xing Cai, "and it's ugly."

"You'll hurt the weed's feelings, girl. Just because something is ugly doesn't mean it's worthless."

Remembering who she was speaking to, Xing Cai blushed. "Well, if you don't think doing your best is the answer, what about dying honorably in battle? I think my father wishes for such a death."

Pang Tong appeared thoughtful, and passed the wildflower to her. Though it wasn't much to look at, it had a very pleasant fragrance, Xing Cai noticed. She tucked it into her hair.

"Hmmm…" said the sage. "Well, I wonder what our enemies would say to that?"

_(1.4 - Wei) _

"… you're outnumbered, and there's no way you can survive the upcoming battle. You know it's your last day. What would you do?" queried Cao Cao.

"Take the enemy with me," growled Xiahou Dun. "I'd drag the lot of them to hell."

Xiahou Yuan nodded. "Go down fighting, of course. Why even ask?"

"Zhang He?" Cao Cao said.

Zhang He brushed thoughtfully at a few strands of hair that had slipped from his ponytail. "I would first go into my room and make myself up…" At the incredulous looks this received from his fellows, he explained, "I would prefer to go into the afterlife looking my best. And then…" His voice had a dark edge as he added, "… I would, as Xiahou Dun suggests, unleash my wrath upon the enemy, and ravage their army in a glorious and beautiful dance of death!"

_Well, that was original, anyway_, though Cao Cao. He turned to Pang De.

"I would bring a coffin with me to the battlefield. Me, or my opponent – one of us would not leave alive!"

Cao Cao nodded. "You are brave men, all of you…" Then he noticed Zhang Liao, who had remained silent. "And what of you, Zhang Liao? Have you nothing to say?"

Zhang Liao frowned. For a moment he seemed indecisive, and his comrades exchanged glances, wondering if he was showing uncharacteristic cowardice. Then his eyebrows bristled fiercely, and he said, "I would not fall to the enemy."

"Oh?" said Cao Cao. "But supposing you knew that on that day—"

"Respectfully, my lord, I understand the example, but I repeat I would not fall to the enemy." There was a stubborn set to his face. He lifted his chin. "It is for man to determine his own fate. Countless times in history, a badly overwhelmed force has emerged victorious against impossible odds. People say such things are miracles; but that is nonsense. They were not miracles, but great deeds by determined men. If others have triumphed against certain death, why should not I? Or any of us? To believe in defeat is to guarantee it."

Cao Cao smiled, his decision made. "Zhang Liao, you will protect He Fei."

"Yes, m'lord." Zhang Liao bowed.

"I will leave a plan to help you. In spite of the overwhelming odds you may face, I do not expect failure."

"My lord, He Fei will be protected, I give you my oath…"

_(1.5) _

"Is this going somewhere?" Xing Cai fiddled with the wildflower.

"Well… if you let me reach the end…"

"So you're saying to die with honor in battle is the way to do it?"

"Oh, I think that's a terrible way to go," replied Pang Tong. "Honor, hm? Death in battle just means that your enemies killed you. Pretty pointless, since the purpose of a battle is to win, don't you agree?"

Xing Cai glared. "I think your stories are pointless."

"Ouch. Well, what's wrong with this one?"

"If their answer was wrong why'd you tell it to me?"

"All right, all right… let's say you know on a given day it's the end. If you just accept it, that becomes the defining aspect of your final hours. See? But if you go on in spite of it, as general Zhang suggests, then your final hours aren't just the end. They are hours like every other of every day you've ever lived."

"Pretending like that won't really change things, though."

"Won't it?" Pang Tong stretched and plucked a bit of rice from Xing Cai's bowl. She gasped in outrage, as protective of her food as her father was of his drink. But before she could respond to this transgression, Pang Tong pointed up at the sky. "You know, there are some birds, that when they know they are near to death, go and wait in their nests until they pass on."

"Now, you've totally lost me. What does this have to do with…"

"If I were a bird, I would want to be flying right up until the very end, pretending to myself I wouldn't fall… at the final moment, my heart would stop while my wings were still beating. My last sight would be the sky." He leaned on his staff, and swished his wine dramatically, before taking a sip.

Xing Cai was silent for a few minutes. Then she sighed, and said, "Your stories take forever to get to the point."

"That's how the best stories are."

"You still haven't answered your own question."

"The question was for you, young lady, and I did answer it." Pang Tong sat cross-legged and smirked at her. "But I guess, since we haven't found anything good enough, I have to tell another story. This will be the last one, because I think the soldiers are about ready. Imagine the widow Xiao Qiao having a chat with Lady Sun, who's invited her to Jingzhou…"

_(1.6 - between two nations) _

"What was that?" Sun Shang Xiang looked up from her effort to sharpen her chakrams.

Xiao Qiao was as beautiful as ever, a fair flower even among the prettiest maidens in the country; but there was gravity to her beauty now that had not been there a year ago. Many people said she was haunted by her husband's spirit, for her moods often resembled what his had been in life. She sighed, and said softly, "What will you do if Liu Bei and your brother go to war?"

"I will fight for my husband." From her frown, Shang Xiang did not like the subject, but there was no hesitation in her voice. She had been forced to make such a decision once already, when Sun Quan had sent soldiers to stop her flight to Jingzhou.

Xiao Qiao was silent awhile before she queried, "Have you ever wondered, Lady Sun, what you would do if it were the last day of your life?"

"Why would I wonder something like that?"

"When my husband died, he asked me something like that… He spent his last days in agony. His final moments were spent cursing Zhuge Liang. He could never get over his envy of the man… When I think of him now, I remember the end, and it fills me with agony. I wish so much that he had died in peace."

Shang Xiang stopped working on her chakrams. "I'm… sorry," she mumbled.

The widow turned to her. There were tears in her eyes. "I would never leave my family like that. I loved him dearly, my Zhou Yu… I wish I could have done something, anything to ease his pain! Lady Sun, if I were to meet my end, I would try to make sure above all else that my family knew how I loved them… that I seemed at peace, so that they would seem at peace. I would not want to leave them with a broken memory… Will you return to Wu?"

Shang Xiang shook her head. Xiao Qiao's words stirred up the conflict inside her between family and husband. She looked away and bit her lip.

"I pray you will remember your family," said Xiao Qiao. "And your husband as well. Whether you return to Wu, or remain with Liu Bei… Always think of others, Lady Sun. It isn't just your life that is affected by what you do. I'll pray for your safety… and tell your mother not to worry about you."

"Yes," said Shang Xiang softly. "Tell her I'm fine…"

_(1.7) _

At that moment, soldiers came to announce that they were ready for departure. Xing Cai and Pang Tong got to their feet. The little man shook his gourd, which was nearly empty.

"See what you've done? You made me drink it all…"

"Wait, what about the end?" said Xing Cai. "Was that it?"

"Umm… maybe." Pang Tong scratched his head. He shrugged, and attached his gourd to his belt.

Xing Cai looked exasperated. "Come on, we have to leave now. Just tell me what you'd do. And don't even say—"

"—drink. Tell a few stories, hang out with—Ack! Stop it!" He dodged the rocks she threw at him.

"You're never going to tell me, are you?"

He laughed, and waved his staff. "I just did. If you don't like my answer that's your problem. But as for me – I think I'll enjoy the breeze, the taste of the wine, and some good conversation with old friends. And when someone asks, 'If this were the last day of your life, what would you do differently?' I'd say, 'nothing at all.'" He giggled.

"You're so weird!"

"Have a drink. It will make more sense."

"No!" she stalked away.

Trotting ahead of her, Pang Tong began to sing to himself. He did a dance to go with it, and in spite of herself, Xing Cai felt her lips twitching at the spectacle he made. His song went something like this:

"_In March we'll have a wedding, a funeral in May_

_But don't mind me_

_If I smile with glee_

_When 'neath the ground I lay._

_Hey-ho! Oh hi-hey-ho!_

_Have a drink for me today._

"_The sun will still be shining, wherever graves are lain_

_So drink and laugh_

_On my behalf_

_Someday, we'll meet again..."_

A short while later, as Pang Tong led his horse towards the front of his unit, the animal reared without warning, and the little sage toppled from his back. A few soldiers helped him up. Liu Bei rushed forward, and asked with concern if he was hurt.

"No…" Pang Tong gave the horse an accusing look. "I don't know what's wrong with him. He's never done this before."

"Take mine, instead," suggested Liu Bei. "He is a very reliable horse."

"My lord, I couldn't accept such kindness…"

"I insist. It will be safer for you…"

Pang Tong looked at him in silence for a moment. There was a brief, peculiar flash of sadness in his face, as if he were very hesitant to take the gift. But then the expression passed. He bowed deeply, and thanked his lord. Mounting Liu Bei's white horse, he winked at Xing Cai. The soldiers set off, Liu Bei's to take the main road, Pang Tong's the back road.

As the white horse carried its rider away, Xing Cai heard on the breeze, the voice of the Young Phoenix singing.

_(AN: For those unfamiliar with events in the novel, Pang Tong and Liu Bei switched horses just before Pang Tong rode out to Fallen Phoenix Slope. There, Zhang Ren waited in ambush, and warned his men to keep watch for Liu Bei's white horse. When they saw it, they mistook Pang Tong for his lord, and rained arrows on him. Man and horse both perished in the ambush._

_This is either a sad story or a wholly pointless fic depending on your PoV, I guess. :P I prefer "A Star Falls," because I think it's better written. But I like the idea for this one a lot. Maybe I'll try to revise it sometime. I'm not quite comfortable with Pang Tong's character, because he's so different in Dynasty Warriors and the novel. But I kind of like his attitude here, even if he's not sarcastic enough. What do you think?) _


End file.
